Self-Compassion: What Is It and How Do You Give It To Yourself?
Self-compassion is an important life skill to learn and practice. It is the ability to be kind, understanding, and supportive of yourselves in times of difficulty. It is essential to your mental health, as it allows you to move through difficult times with understanding, patience, and love. In this article, I will discuss what self-compassion is, how to practice it, and why it is so important.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is the ability to show kindness and understanding to yourself, even in the face of difficulty.
It is about recognising your humanness and understanding that we are all on a journey of growth and learning. It is about being gentle with yourself and recognizing that failures are part of the process.
Self-compassion is also about recognising your interconnectedness with others, understanding that we share the same hopes and fears and that we are all in this together.
It can be helpful to think about self-compassion as the kindness and understanding that you would give to others who are experiencing challenge, adversity or suffering.
Kristin Neff is a pioneer in the study of self-compassion and she explains that self-compassion has 3 core components:
- Self-kindness - the ability to be warm and understanding towards yourself free from judgement, criticism or negativity.
- Recognising your own humanity - understanding that suffering, challenge, adversity and imperfection are all part of the human experience. There is no something innately wrong with you and you are not alone in your experience. All humans share this common experience.
- Mindful Awareness - allowing yourself to see your pain, challenge or adversity for what it is, rather than ignoring, minimising or exaggerating it.
How Do You Give Yourself Self-Compassion?
Giving yourself self-compassion is as simple as being kind and understanding to yourself.
It is about recognising that your feelings are valid and important and that it is ok to make mistakes.
It is about being gentle with yourself and being willing to forgive yourself and find a way to move forward without the burden of negative self-talk, self-judgement or self-criticism for perceived imperfections.
Here are some helpful tips on how to give yourself self-compassion:
- Give yourself down-time: the opportunity to quieten your body, mind and energy so that you can deeply connect with yourself and get to know yourself in deep and meaningful ways. This could be as simple as laying quietly for 10 minutes just after you wake up in the morning or before you go to sleep in the evening and consciously focus on your breathe, releasing and letting go with each breath you take and allowing yourself to connect with the stillness within.
- Create awareness around your inner thoughts and feelings: Acknowledge how you are feeling and allow it to be how it is or how it is not without judgement. As you declutter and still your inner world, you will be able to ask yourself questions like "What do I really need right now?" or "How am I really feeling right now?" or "What is most important for me to do right now?". In time you will hear answers to these questions.
- Speak kindly to yourself: Use kind and understanding words when talking to yourself. You are worthy and deserving of kindness. Speak to yourself in the same tone of voice you would speak to a loved on who is experiencing a challenge or problem. It may feel a little awkward for a while, but with enough practice you will begin to notice how much calmer you feel within yourself when you are able to choose self-kindness with your inner dialogue.
- Find a supportive community: Surround yourself with people who understand and can provide emotional support. It is important to be decerning with the company you keep. Choose people who inspire, uplift, support and encourage you. It is important when seeking out people to connect with, as an act of self-compassion, that these people must be able to demonstrate compassion also. They must be kind and respectful to you, your experience and how you feel.
- Practice mindfulness: Spend time in nature, practice yoga, or meditate to help ground and centre yourself. One really simple way to begin the mindfulness practice is to sit quietly before a meal and take the time to smell the aroma of the food wafting up from the plate. Close your eyes and just focus on the aroma filling your nostrils. Then when you feel ready, open your eyes and look at the colours of the food. Notice if they seem different, bolder, brighter more vibrant? Notice what food your eye is drawn to or not. Then as you bring the food to your mouth with your utensil, take a moment to feel the food gently with your lips and tongue. Explore it a little. Pay attention to what it feels like. Then take a little bite and allow it to sit in your mouth for a moment or two as you consciously take time to discover the taste, textures and sensations of this food in your mouth. Do the same as you chew and swallow. Then wait for your body to be ready to repeat the process. The principle of this practice can be applied to many different experiences throughout your day. Discovering how you truly feel about your environment and the activities you engage in.
- Take care of yourself: Make sure to take care of your physical, mental, emotional and energetic health. Do things that bring you joy and feel good to you. Stop doing things that take more than they give. Find ways to re-priorities or delegate. Drink water. Eat healthy choices more often. Move your body in ways that feel good. Invest time with people that inspire and up-lift you. Maintain healthy relationships. Ask for help. Help others. Meet your needs. Give to yourself.
Why Is Self-Compassion Important?
Self-compassion is important because it helps you to move through difficult times with understanding and love. It can help you to make better decisions, to be more resilient, and to have a more positive outlook on life. It can also help you to feel more connected to others, to be more understanding and compassionate towards them, and to feel more supported. Self-compassion is essential to our physical, mental, emotional and energetic wellbeing.
Self-compassion as a mother is extremely important because it allows you, as a mother to be more understanding and forgiving of yourself, which supports improved physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing and decreases stress. Research has shown that when mothers practice self-compassion, they tend to be more resilient and able to better manage difficult emotions.
Additionally, self-compassion can create a sense of self-worth and self-esteem, which can help you to be more patient and accepting of your children.
Ultimately, self-compassion can help you as a mother to be better equipped to care for your children, family and loved ones by supporting you to provide them with a safe, secure and loving environment.