It is OK to grieve the loss of your old identity and how you can infuse yourself with Kintsugi - golden joinery

Becoming a mother is a huge transition, and often the grief of losing the old identity can be overwhelming.

You no longer feel like yourself. Your body has been through the wringer and back again. Your emotions are all over the place and unstable. Your thoughts are cloudy and muddled. You are exhausted all of the time. There is zero time to do the things that you used to love or were interesting to you. You struggle to get through the day and you can't connect with who you are right now in this moment.

Becoming a mother and surrendering your body, mind and soul to the experience of growing, nurturing and supporting a whole human being from conception to approximately 25 years of age and every phase and stage in between is a huge commitment of time, energy, resources and quite frankly, everything that you have and all that you are.

It is completely normal to feel as though your old-self has faded away into the shadows never to be seen again. But that is not entirely true. The essence of who you were before you became a mum is still the same. Your strengths, your qualities and the aspects that innately make you "YOU" are still very much alive and in there - somewhere....

It is a matter of gently piecing yourself back together. Slowly over time you will feel the storm inside of you begin to settle and there will be room for you to integrate the old version of you with the new version of you and experience a deep and profound evolution or re-birthing of yourself.

This is where I'm going to Segway to introduce "Kintsugi" . Kintsugi means "golden joinery". It is the art of repairing pottery with lacquer and gold or silver powder wit the view point that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken and then reconstructed. Although the pottery has been shattered into many pieces and it carries scars and it will never be the same as it was before, the gold powder binds the old pieces together giving them a new, more refined aspect. Every repaired piece is unique and because of the randomness with which the pottery shatters, the irregular patters that are formed are enhanced and become the focal point of this new beautiful piece of art.

The physical, mental, emotional and spiritual journey that you go on when you become a mother is much like that of pottery and the Kintsugi. You blow apart and shatter the old version of yourself into many pieces, feeling so fragmented and un-whole. And then piece by piece, over time you pick each piece up, assess it and discover where it fits into this new version of yourself, all the while infusing golden reason to bind the pieces together.

Yes, it is true your old life is now forever gone. But the good news is that you can pick and choose the pieces of yourself that you want to hold onto and the pieces that you are going to replace with gold. You get to bring forth the parts of yourself that are important, empowered, your qualities and strengths, your loves and passions and you get to discover who you would like to be on this new adventure that is mamahood! You get to bring forward the best parts of your old identity and integrate them into the NEW YOU!

How do you going about making this happen?

First, take some time to reflect on your old life, and the strengths and qualities you had then. Think of things that you excelled at, or that brought you joy. It could be something as simple as being a great listener, or something more complex like being able to juggle multiple tasks. Whatever it is, remind yourself that those qualities still exist within you.

Next, think of some of the things you loved doing pre-motherhood, and figure out ways to incorporate them into your new life. For example, if you used to love going to art galleries, look for local art museums or galleries you can visit with your baby. Or if you used to love going to concerts, explore the possibility of bringing your baby along. There are plenty of ways to continue to enjoy the things you loved before having a baby.

One of the best things about becoming a mother is that you can still be the person you used to be, and even more. You can use the experiences of your old identity and combine them with the new to become an even better version of yourself. Allow yourself to experience the grief of losing your old identity, and then use it as a source of transformation.

As you navigate this new journey of motherhood, remember that you can never go back to the person you once were. But what you can do is use the best parts of your old identity and bring them with you as you create a brand new version of you. It could be helpful to remind yourself that you are just like a piece of broken pottery that has been totally transformed with the infusion of gold to bind your pieces together.